Do you remember Louise Redknapp, a former singer with Eternal, appearing on Strictly Come Dancing back in 2016?
Even if you don’t watch the show, you may know it became the catalyst for big changes in her life.
Of course, no one ever really knows the story of someone else’s life or marriage. Yet what seems clear from comments Louise herself made, appearing on Strictly gave her the confidence to return to performing after years spent raising her family. It made her re-evaluate her life and, in her words, she grew tired of being a “Stepford Wife” striving to be the perfect wife and mum. She wanted more.
have she It turned out that although being a mother was important to Louise, she missed being a performer too. Once she had the chance to perform again, she didn’t want to give it up a second time.
The rest is well documented in the media, Louise’s marriage broke down and she’s now releasing new music and appearing in the West End. At the time Louise said she felt she’d finally “come back to who I really am.”
Here is a woman who on the outside appeared to have it all. Louise had a successful music career that she chose to give up when she met the man of her dreams and gave birth to her children. She had a comfortable and happy life that many of us might envy.
Yet, it wasn’t the life Louise wanted. Or at least, there were things missing that were also important to her.
This may have been down to pressures that others or she placed on herself. It may have been down to Louise believing she was living her dream life while ignoring the quiet voice inside, whispering that she wanted more. Or it could have been down to a limiting belief that she couldn’t be a wife, mother and performer at the same time.
What it was, we’ll never know for sure. Yet Louise Redknapp is a living embodiment of someone who realised that the life she had needed to change to accommodate who she really was.
So, how many of us are being who we really truly are?
If we’re totally honest with ourselves, how many of us are living a life we thought we wanted, yet in the cold light of day we realise it’s missing important aspects of who we are?
How many of us have quashed our own personal desires to put other people first?
This isn’t an uncommon thing to do. Don’t get me wrong, there are times in our lives when it’s absolutely right to be selfless, to put others first and do random acts of kindness. It’s preferable not to live a life that’s only ever about promoting our own needs above all else! Yet there’s a considerable difference between choosing to put others first at times and living a life that is always about suppressing our own needs.
Suppression of our true selves leads to internal conflict, which in turn has a great impact on our physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. I know this well because this was me in my early thirties. We become less and less contented and happy and it can manifest in our lifestyle through overeating, drinking, smoking or drugs. Or we might hide our feelings by striving to be perfect at everything, exercise to extremes or continuously chase the next goal. This internal conflict can easily end up being taken out on others with our inner frustrations being expressed as anger, anxiety, depression, jealousy.
The true way to health and fulfilment is to be who we really are.
Taking off the wrappers
Easy to say, yet it’s not always easy to do!
If we’ve long suppressed our true selves, do we actually know who we are? If we’ve become so wrapped up in the roles that we play – partner, parent, child, colleague, boss, business owner, plus the life we’ve created, there may be many layers to peel away.
It’s quite possible that to begin with we may not be able to trust our thinking. Why? Because we’ve become so used to listening to the voice that dominates – the one that has convinced us for years that this is the life we wanted – that we’ve shut out the small voice that’s trying to tell us who we really are. When embarking on a period of soul-searching, it may be hard to hear that small voice first.
This is where NLP, Time Line Therapy™ and hypnotherapy come in handy.
Using powerful, highly effective processes you tap into your unconscious mind, where that small voice resides, in order to amplify it and identify what you really want. Your true values for living your life are uncovered, as well as any fears or anxieties about making changes. In short, you learn how you’ve chosen the path you’re on and create a roadmap for where you really want to be instead.
3 techniques for transforming your thinking
Before you create your road map, it’s important to start transforming how you think.
Why? Because your current way of thinking is what’s brought you to the life you’re currently living. To change your life, you need to change your thinking first.
NLP, Time Line Therapy™ and hypnotherapy offer transformational techniques to help you change how you see yourself and the world around you.
For starters, here are just 3:
Now this may sound complicated but it’s not. Using the Meta Model is an effective way to recover information that’s been deleted, distorted or generalised into a way of thinking. It can identify self-imposed limits or constraints that could prevent you from being who you really are. It’s about noticing the language you typically use to avoid unhelpful thinking. For example deletions and generalisations like “I’m just anxious” or “this always happens to me”. Such language focuses on the negative and ignores the positives. Or there are distortions like “he doesn’t like me, he doesn’t smile at me” where you believe someone has behaved in a particular way towards you because of negative feelings they have about you.
This is about looking at your thoughts in a different way. It encourages you to shift from a negative and limiting view to a more positive and expansive view where you see possibilities and opportunities. It’s about taking negative beliefs that you hold about yourself, your life or other people and turning them into something more realistic and positive.
Knowing how to change your state to a positive one in any situation at any time is highly useful I’m sure you’ll agree. We develop anchors often without awareness throughout life – both negatve and positive. Think traffic lights and phone notifications! We can create a positive resource anchor by associating particular emotional states to a specific touch, image, word or signal..When we’re in an unhelpful state, we can use the anchor and we’ll go into a positive state.
These are just 3 of the many techniques available when you learn NLP, Time Line Therapy™ and hypnotherapy either to become a practitioner yourself, or when working with an NLP coach.
If you’d like to learn more, then please get in touch here.