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You create your own reality.

Does that statement make you leap for joy, or does it feel like a HUGE responsibility?

Some people take it and run with it – masters of their own destiny – the responsibility sitting so lightly on them that they could almost take off and fly. It’s the wind beneath their wings and Tinkerbell’s fairy dust all rolled into one.

Yet for some the realisation that they create their own reality is the polar opposite. It feels big and heavy, almost too much for them to bear.

If their life isn’t unfolding in a positive way, does that mean they’ve messed up?

If they’re not relentlessly positive ALL THE TIME, does that mean they are somehow less than other people?

Of course it doesn’t! Yet so many of us feel external and internal pressure to create a perfect, positive life. We’re always on the go, always striving for the next big thing, always DOING something.

Stepping off the merry-go-round

If you follow tennis, you might know that Novak Djokovich was recently competing in the US Open final. If he won, he would have completed a Calendar Grand Slam, meaning he would have won all the big championships in the calendar year – something that hasn’t been accomplished since 1969. Everything looked on track as he fought his way to the final. As the world number 1 he was tipped to win, particularly as he had a seemingly unquenchable fire in his belly, and his sights set firmly on the big prize and a place in the history books.

And yet on the day the fire went out.

He was beaten in straight sets in a powerful, overwhelming display by his opponent.

A tearful Novak told reporters that all he felt was “relief”.

Relief that he could step off the merry-go-round of tennis life.

Relief at letting go of the weight of expectation.

Relief at releasing the pressure.

It doesn’t have to be a tug-o-war

So here’s the thing.

We all create our own reality and we all have the power to shape it in whatever way we want. That doesn’t mean that we have to go out and relentlessly struggle and push to make it happen however. Life is not a tug-o-war where we’re stuck in constant push-pull. Life is here to be enjoyed.

If you’re thinking “How do I create my reality without some effort on my part?” you’re not alone. It might seem contradictory to say that to create your reality you need to stop struggling and pushing. Yet this is not about saying that you don’t need to do anything, it’s about working with the universe, not against it.

The best way to create our own reality is to live more mindfully in the present, by slowing the thought train right down. Instead of racing along, barely taking anything in as we hurtle towards our future goals, we need to give ourselves more thinking time and more time just to be.

There’s a reason why we often decide to sleep on big decisions.  It gives us time to respond properly instead of reacting in the moment. It also allows us to tap deeply into our unconscious mind to help us come to the right decision.

So when we spend our lives constantly on the go, we might be making decisions on auto pilot, but they aren’t really the right ones. Or sometimes, we’re overthinking to the point of paralysis.

What we think is what we create. If we expect a negative experience, that’s almost certainly going to happen, because it’s the part we’ll focus on. If we expect a conversation to go badly, it very likely will because that’s what’s in our mind. If we think we always attract the wrong partner, that cycle is likely to be keep on repeating.

Of course the opposite is also true. When we expect things to go well, they usually do because we approach the situation with positive mindset and our actions follow our thoughts and beliefs.

The magical thing about the universe is that by slowing down and choosing how to respond rather than reacting in a knee-jerk kind of way, we become a vibrational match for the things we think about, the things we visualise and the things we want. Then we can take aligned action and things start happening!

Seven top tips for moving to a place of flow

Here are my top tips for shifting your mindset to one of flow and receiving rather than one of pushing and pulling.

1. Practise gratitude

Spend time each day writing down what’s gone well in your day, what you’re glad about and what you’re grateful for. Try doing it when you get up or before you go to bed – whatever works best for you.

2. Show appreciation

Take time to let people know how much you appreciate them. It’s amazing how good it will make them feel and also how it will lift your spirits too!

3. Celebrate your achievements

From time to time write down your achievements. You can create a ‘success journal’ and use it to create a record of things you’re proud of and positive things in your life. You can then refer to it if things start to feel overwhelming or you’ve had a tough day. And make sure to celebrate!

4. Surround yourself with positive vibes

Spend time with your loved ones and other people who bring out the best in you and who have your best interests at heart. Have fun, laugh, play, love!

5. Find stillness and peace

Take the time to meditate regularly and still your mind. It brings peace to you and also with stillness comes clarity and the ability to let go. You can meditate while on the move too – go for a walk, a bike ride or a run.

6. Find inspiration in nature

Notice your surroundings and practice mindful walking. The beauty and magnificence of nature can be tremendously calming and inspiring. It brings perspective and allows us to take a step back.

7. Learn to let go

The Serenity Prayer is the best advice here! “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” What can you change in your life today and what do you need to let go of?

If you’d love to know more about how to move from constant struggle to a place of flow and ease, please get in touch.

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